Here we are, Henry perfect recall allows me to tell the tale:
We played that weird ass gig in Bradford with DITW, it was us with the Lamp of Thoth, Parole, Tree of Sores in a rock bar in Bradford. The gig is a weird one, being in Brdaford and not in the 1in12. It is a bit quiet too, but that’s not a problem. The fun starts when we realise that just by the side of the stage, the club has got a counter from which they grill and sell burgers. Indoors. So while you play, the badly ventilated burger cupboard is wafting greasy beefy acrid smoke. No the best of start, but hey. We play, wondering why we came, but hey, the other bands are great and some friends are here, so it is all good! But that’s not what the story is about, I’m just setting the scene, so you can play it in your mind with the smell of beef fat permeating everything….
Then, the Lamp of Thoth starts playing, and we all notice that big, sloppy dude with joggers on, who is only taking pictures of the drummer. From every possible angles, and, or so it very much looks like, mainly focusing on her lady’s attributes… hum. This is when, one by one, we notice that
backprint, shocked glances are exchanged across the room between the 5 of us scattered about, and it is hard not to burst out laughing. Man, the dude is wearing a goregrind 101 t-shirt: barely readable logo at the front, and block capitals backprint. The band is Maggot Ejaculation, and the backprint reads: MUTILATED TEEN PUSSY DRENCHED IN ROTTEN CUM
. So here you are, in a room that stink of beef grease, watching a grown-up man taking stalker pictures of a girl!!! in a metal band!!!!! With that backprint on.
That dude, he is the guy responsible for all those weird side glences you get from family and colleagues when you say you’re into metal. They think you are him, playing WoW in your damp basement, beefy burger juice oozing down your chin, collection of porn by your bed. Sexually Angry Death Metal indeed.